Do you have a conflict tolerance level?
Which of the following best encapsulates how you view conflict?
- An annoyance
- Something to ignore or avoid
- Something to be afraid or ashamed of
- An opportunity to assert yourself and advocate for your point of view
- A time to learn from each other and to learn others perspectives
If you pick 5, you fall outside the normal range of responses, or rather not within the majority.
Most people view conflict as an opportunity to fight to get their way or to ignore and hope it goes away. Neither of these responses addresses the conflict's feelings and emotions or help us develop better tolerance for conflict. Most of us tolerate something if we know the outcome will be to our advantage; if it doesn’t take too long or cause much trouble, we will be okay. In my latest book hurt, upset, angry, frustrated, I discuss the biology of conflict and how we can use this knowledge to our advantage to gain a higher conflict tolerance level. When we have an increased tolerance for conflict, we tend to respond more appropriately to everyday conflicts that arises. We recognize early and engage in a way that will address our needs and inform the other party of why we make the choices we have with respect and compassion for their own choices. When our values are challenged, boundaries are breached, or needs go unmet, we experience strong upset that if we don't have the right interpersonal skills we will be more open to collaboration. Look at your responses to the conflicts in your life are you able to separate your hurt, upset, anger or frustrations from the actual conflict issues? Sometimes it's not easy to address conflict without getting some professional help. Do not be like a lot of people show cheat themselves from getting the emotional and mental support for a tough conflict situation. Do some research to learn what may be out there and who could best help you based on the type of issues you are facing. I run the Mastery Coaching session weekly that provides guidance and support to deal with conflict. You can attend one session or more to work on your skills and competencies for conflict management.