Which of the following best encapsulates how you view conflict?
If you pick 5, you fall outside the normal range of responses, or rather not within the majority.
Most people view conflict as an opportunity to fight to get their way or to ignore and hope it goes away. Neither of these responses address the feelings and emotions of the conflict or help us develop better tolerance for conflict.
Most of us an tolerate something if we know the outcome, it doesn’t take too long or cause much grief. This is different with conflict. It shows up when we least expect it. In my latest book hurt, upset, angry, frustrated, I discuss the biology of conflict and how we can use this information to our advantage to develop a higher tolerance for conflict.
When we have an increased tolerance for conflict we tend respond more appropriately to conflict, whenever it arises and in whatever from it show up. We recognize it for what it is and engage in a way that will address our needs and inform the other party of why we make the choices we do, with respect and compassion for their own choices.
When our values are challenged, our boundaries are being breached or our needs aren’t being met, it stimulates a visceral response that we can temper when we develop a higher tolerance for conflict. Making us more open to collaboration.
Look at your responses to the conflicts in your life are you able to separate your hurt, upset and anger, to see the issues and how you can do things differently. Sometimes its not easy to do this on our own and getting some help makes it a lot easier to handle. If you or someone you know need more conflict support, drop me an e-mail to talk about it.
To Your Wellness,
Joyce Odidison is a Conflict Analyst Coach, who is the founder of Interpersonal Wellness Services Inc. & Coaching Institute. She consults, teaches and coaches with mid-career professionals and organizations to improve performance in the workplace wellness. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or by phone at: 1-877-999-9591.