03 Apr How to Keep a Conflict Positive to Reduce Stress and Worry
Have had a situation that needed to be address and you wanted to keep it positive?
I often hear the following statement from clients: “There is something going on in the relationship, but I want to keep it positive, so I am not saying anything.”
If you find yourself in this situation the read on. I will be sharing some quick ways to keep the conversation flowing, deal with the issue at hand and keep the conflict positive.
Let’s start by defining what we mean by conflict. A conflict is any situation where you want something from another person, but you can’t agree on a way to get it. For example, you may want someone to treat you respectfully, but the person consistently treats you disrespectfully. It may be that you would like someone to act, think, do, or behave in a certain way that they refuse to or is not capable of doing. Whatever the situation, it becomes a conflict when we begin to blame, accuse, judge, nag, or become positional. To be positional is when you demand that will you only do something if the other person does something first or in return.
When we become positional, our view of the other person starts to alter, we see them as mean, miserable, obstinate, hard headed, confused, irritating or any of the myriads of labels that justify our negative feelings towards them.
Here are some steps to take to the conflict positive. Start examining your self-talk to gain a more positive perspective, when you begin to blame, accuse or judge. I have added the positive conflict tip sheet below for you.
- Tell yourself that the other person is doing the best they know how, if they knew better, they would do better.
- Remind yourself that: “I am seeing this situation from a different perspective than they are, that’s why they are acting the way they do.”
- Become curious and push yourself to learn more about their perspective
- Ask them how they view and interpret your actions, not to defend yourself but to learn more about their view of you.
- Examine your communication, what are they hearing from you and is it what you intend?
- Explore whether there is something you are doing that may make this situation worst?
- Inquire if there’s another way to work through the situation that the two of you have yet to uncover.
- Ask for help, is there someone who can help you shift your perspective and gain a different view of the situation?
- Be self-aware, are there words, actions or thoughts you are having that’s making you positional?
Keeping the conflict positive is challenging on your own but you can try the above tips or ask someone neutral for support or to help you break the cycle of thinking so you can maintain a positive view of the other person and the situation. I’d love to know if you find this helpful. Get the positive conflict tip sheet below.
Get the Positive Conflict Tip Sheet
Keep the peace and work through your conflict.
To Your Wellness